It's nothing
by Waywardson666
Summary: Supernatural high school au, destiel
1. Flash Forward

Note: high school au

Warning: self harm and bad language

Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural/the characters and do not do this for money.

Inspiration by this message I found:

If you want to cut yourself,

Then you're going to take my arm,

Look me in the eyes,

And cut as many times you would yourself.

* * *

Castiel had enough, he sat in his room crying silently on the end of his bed. His life felt like it was in shambles. His family payed no attention to him even though he picked up on every aspect of pain they showed. His older brother Balthazar had been struggling with work and seemed that the only smile he gave was forced. Raphael had totally changed, didn't talk to him anymore and stayed cooped up in his room. Gabriel was the only one who showed the slightest bit of attention, but he was always off with party's and girls. Castiel scoffed at the thought. He flopped down on his back tears running slowly down his face. He had stopped crying but liked his lips from the dehydration crying had caused. He fell into a slow uncomfortable sleep.

Castiel woke the next morning, head pounding. He groaned but stood up. He changed in this school clothes and walked into the kitchen. He saw his three older brothers sitting at the table, Raphael reading, Gabriel and Balthazar were talking. Balthazar looked up and nodded a greeting, Castiel returned a slight nod.

"Morning Cassy" Gabriel almost yelled

Castiel grunted

"Gee your happy this morning" Raphael exclaimed not looking up from his book.

Castiel shot him a glare that went unnoticed.

* * *

"Hey Cas!" Dean yelled down the hall as Castiel entered

"Dean" Castiel trudged up towards him

"What's up?"

"Nothing Dean"

"No tell me" Dean lifted Castiel's head gently "tell me"

"Nothing Dean!" Castiel pulled away from the blond and looked to the ground

"You can tell me it's nothing Cas! You have been upset for three days now and you have huge bags under your eyes" his voice softened "why don't you tell me?"

Dean was so stupid, idiotic, if Castiel could tell him he would but it was hard. He took a step back and looked up at Dean his eyes were starting to water.

"Cas please"

"Dean I can't"

The last Dean saw of Cas that day was him walking back down the hall.

* * *

Castiel through his bag on his bed and shut the door. He fell on his knees and rested his head on the bed.

"I can't handle this"

He walked to his desk and grabbed the scissors. Opening them he move the blade along the inside of his wrist, blood started to show. He winced even though it didn't hurt to much. Continuing this seven more times before he comprehended what he was doing. Chucking the scissors back down he grabbed his bleeding wrist applying pressure. He sat on his bed and found himself cursing and warning that, if there was a god he would fucking find him and well put it this way he wouldn't want to know the rest.

Castiel spent most of the morning trying to hide what he had don't the previous night. Holding his sleeve with his hand so it was covered most of the time. He closed his locker only to find Dean standing on the other side.

"Cas"

His voice was stern but Castiel could tell he was just worried. He saw his wrist was exposed and hurriedly pulled his sleeve down. He new it was a stupid idea because that was when Dean grabbed it. Castiel jumped as a slight burst of pain shot through his arm. Dean let go slightly before grabbing his hand instead. Castiel felt his face flush he tried to convince himself that it was just because of the pain or anger but he knew it wasn't. Dean tried to lift up Castiels sleeve before he felt his arm pull away.

"Cas let me look"

Castiel gave up, he had hid his problems from everyone for to long. He held out his arm for Dean to take. Taking Castiels arm he looked up into his amazingly blue eyes to get conformation, Castiel nodded. Dean gently lifted Castiels sleeve to see eight cuts along his wrist. Castiels eyes never left Dean.

"Cas" Deans voice trailed away

"I'm sorry Dean"

"No" Dean sniffed "never be sorry"

Castiel felt his chest tighten as he realised how much Dean cared. Dean pulled his sleeve back down and didn't ask any questions.

The bell rang and Dean and Cas walked towards the car park. Dean usually walks to the primary school to get his younger brother Sam and today is no different.

"So who is picking you up?"

"Not sure" Castiel was glad to have Dean as a friend he hadn't acted funny about the whole wrist thing just said he was there if he needed. Cas stopped shot when he saw that it was Raphael picking him up.

"What's" Dean tried off as he followed Castiels gaze "oh"

He walked with Cas to the car. Raphael glared at Dean before moving his gaze to Cas. Dean felt Castiel grab his forearms before spinning to face him.

"Do you have anything to do later?"

Dean hesitated before answering "I have to drop Sam off to book club"

Castiels face dropped "ok" he breathed "see.."

"Castiel get you ass here I'm late!" Raphael yelled cutting Cas short.

Dean glared at Raphael as Castiel jogged back to the car.

* * *

Cas sat at the table playing with his food.

"You ok Cassy?" Gabriel questioned from the other side of the table.

Castiel pulled his hand under the table "fine" he smiled "just not hungry"

"Hmm" Gabriel continued to stuff his face as Castiel walked to his room. Castiel sat fiddling with the scissors when he noticed his door open.

"Visitor Cas" Balthazar announced before walking away. Castiels eyes widened as he saw the Dean standing in the door way, he walked in closing the door. The blond sat on the bed patting it for Cas to sit next to him. Scissors still in hand he obliged.

"I knew I would find you like this"

"Like what?" Castiel questioned. He saw deans green eyes lay on the scissors.

"You were going to weren't you?"

Castiel nodded and mouthed yes. He felt Dean lift his head to face him and grab his hand that clasped the scissors. Moving the hand on Castiels face to lift up his sleeve.

"Cas, if you're going to do this, take my arm, look me in the eyes and cut me as many times you would yourself"

Castiel flung his arms around Dean, and started to cry.

"It's so hard Dean, but I'm glad that out of anyone that could be here it is you" Castiel choked "I love you"

Dean wrapped his arms around the other and squeezed "I love you to and I will always be there for you"

* * *

Hey guys I have decided that I may make this a story please if you don't like it please just leave it alone this is kinda based on my life but I am missing my Dean. Anyway this is like a preview bit to my story. Thanks for reading, and the more reviews I have the more I will update and the quicker it will be.

-waywardson666


	2. Life as we know it

warning: strong language

Disclaimer: I don't the characters, doctor who or psych therefore get no money at all for this.

Note: I am not American so it's Mum not Mom to me :) and don't ask how I made these shitty relations :P I try. This is also a boring chapter but it's probably going to be a horrib story.

Inspiration from how I got glasses

* * *

"Hey mum I can't see the board at school" Castiel stated as his mother drove them home.

"What really? You had your eyes tested both that long ago" Anna stated. Castiel cast his mother a glance, he had often been told that they looked nothing alike which Castiel had to agree with. Anna had red hair but none of her four sons shared her trait, Castiel didn't mind he loved her the way she was. Staring back out the window his blue eyes drifted as the landscape moved sidewards, he couldn't wait to get out of the car.

* * *

The keys clinked as Anna hung them up on the key rack Castiel made when he was eight. Noticing the T.V was on Castiel walked into the lounge room.

"Hey Cas" Raphael beamed as Castiel took a seat next to his brother slinging his school bag next to the couch.

"Hey Ra, what you watchin'?" Castiel replied calling Raphael by his nickname, when Castiel was little he couldn't pronounce Raphael so Ra became his new name.

"Oh some T.V show called Psych" Raphael responded eyes glued to the T.V.

"So what's it about?"

* * *

Castiel was woken by his mother shaking him awake. Groaning Castiel turned over to look at the time that shone from the digital clock.

"Come on Cas, get up" Anna ordered as she walked over to the window and pulled up the blind.

"Ahhh" Cas groaned once again face now buried in his pillow. As much as he liked school he hated getting up.

* * *

School was not to bad. Castiel was doing well, having time to learn piano and double bass. He loved maths and history which was probably why he was acing them. Castiel walked to his classroom arms filled with books. Reaching the room he realised his class was still outside, this was so like Mr Singer, late.

"Oi Bee" Castiel looked over his shoulder to find Charlie walking over. Charlie was Castiel's cousin on his mums side their hair was proof, and she had the same automotive class as Cas.

"Hey Charlie what's up?" Castiel grinned.

"Not much" Charlie smiled so broadly that Cas swore she would tear the muscles around her mouth.

"What?" Castiel questioned.

"I got the new Doctor Who episodes" Charlie burst out.

"No way!" The pair glanced over to see who sarcastically interrupted. Castiel wasn't surprised when he realised it was a boy named Dean Winchester. Dean happened to be Mr Singers nephew, and Dean took advantage of that numerous times. Dean's green eyes flashed as Castiel rolled his.

"Bitch" Charlie mentioned

"Assbutt" Castiel agreed.

The whole lesson consisted of Charlie and Castiel talking about Doctor Who and not much else.

* * *

**Text from Mum:**

Catch the bus to town we will get your eyes checked out.

**Text to Mum:**

Okay.

Castiel hated catching the bus. It was so crowded, it didn't help people were pushy and had no manners. He stepped onto the bus as the last of the people clambered on, slowly they moved down towards the back.

"Ugh this is going to be a long ride" Castiel muttered.

* * *

"Better or worse?"

"Umm...better" Castiel replied. The woman kept on switching between different glasses as Cas read the board.

"I can't believe you keep glasses, you had your eyes checked only a year ago" Anna explained.

"Yes but remember when I was little and I said my head hurt, you didn't believe me then but when we went to the doctors they said I had shingles?" Castiel reminded.

"Oh don't be so hard on your mother, these things can creep up or just appear, I am guessing you had a growth spurt and your eyes couldn't adjust that quickly" the woman informed.

"Yeah maybe"

Once Castiel had the right lenses it was time to pick the frame. He decided on a black rimmed pair. They were informed that the store would call when they came in and with that they left.

* * *

"Hey Gabe!"

"What!"

"Where's the paper gotten to?"

"I don't know!"

Castiel heard his brother call from down the hall and sighed. He needed working out paper for his home work. Unwillingly he lent down under his desk and ripped out a page of one of his writing books.

"Castiel?" A voice came from the entrance of his room.

"Yeah?" Castiel acknowledged Balthazar.

"Do you want to go see Grandma and Granddad?" Balthazar made reference to their Mothers parents, whom Castiel loved dearly.

"Yep" Castiel replied closing his book.

"Come on then" Balthazar hurried "Dad and Mum are waiting out side"

Castiel walked out side sliding on a pair of gumboots and making his way to his Fathers ute. Urial was leaning against the tray.

"Coming Castiel?" He questioned.

"Yes"

"Ok we will just wait for Balthazar to move his ass along and then we will head off" his sentence got louder as it was slowly directing towards Balthazar.

"I'm coming! Hold your horses" Balthazar snapped.

* * *

Castiel stood as Urial ratted on the fly wire of the old farm house.

"Coming" Castiel heard his Grandmothers voice call. The door creaked as she opened it. One thing among the many things Cas loved about his Grandma was that although she was in her early eighties fate was on her side, she was happy and quite energetic along with the fact that she was always welcoming and open.

"Oh hello darlings" she greeted as she upended the fly wire as well.

"Hello Mum" Anna said with a hug and kiss before she slid off her shoes and entering. Urial followed suit.

"Hey Grammy" Castiel smiled broadly before kissing her on the cheek.

"Hello darl, how are you?"

"Good" Castiel replied taking off his shoes "how are you?"

"Oh just fine" she explained moving to let Cas slip inside.

Castiel went inside the house and breathed heavily. He just loved the smell of this house, it was always his plan to buy this house when his Grandparents moved out, it had plenty of land to go with it including a barn. He walked further inside towards the kitchen where he saw his parents sitting down with his Grandfather. Sadly the fates weren't as kind to him as they were to his wife, he looked his age and had hearing aids but no matter what Castiel loved him the same, the once strong man that he had heard so many stories about was now sitting down at the table. Castiel made his way over to greet him with a kiss on the cheek and as usual he was welcomed with a sloppy kiss right back. Cas took a step back to let Balthazar in.

"Cup of tea? Coffee?" His Grandma made her usual call, followed by the usual order, tea for Anna, Balthazar, herself and husband, coffee for Uriel and as always she always asked Castiel if he wanted ginger beer. Castiel having a fondness for the drink always complied. They stayed for an hour and a half chatting and eating biscuits before Anna proposed they went home. Waving their goodbyes they drove down the drive way.

Four weeks into school and things start to change. Balthazar and his girlfriend Kira were moving back in with Anna and the house hold. Raphael who was Castiel's favourite brother was staying in his room more and more and the once distant brother Gabriel was becoming closer. The changes weren't just for home school was now a delight, Castiel was waking up on time to get ready even leaving early it was Castiel's safe place for now...

* * *

Sorry for the shitty chapter hopefully it will get better...

-waywardson666


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